because no one would love to cuddle with me. and watch movies. and hold hands.
I’m always the one that likes more.
I get it, I’m not the best girl. I’m not beautiful. I don’t have an amazing smile. and my personality isn’t contagious and amazing.
I get it.

I just wish someone would at least kind of want to be cute with me. and hold my hand sometimes. and send me cute texts. and stay.

if someone likes me, I’d want them to tell me

I want a guy who loves my lovely thoughts.
and who loves my ugly thoughts.

I want a guy who thinks I’m beautiful even when I cry.
who listens to my late night rambles.

who loves people and animals just as much as I do.

someone who realizes that I’m a spirit being contained by a body.

I need someone who will at least try to understand even the deepest parts of me.

who will love me. no matter what.

some nights it’d just be nice to get a text or something with someone telling you how special you are. how beautiful you are and how that person wants to be with you.

I guess I’m expecting things I shouldn’t.

I just really like to know how other people feel about me. and I want them to just let me know.

some times.. it’d just be nice..

I am so bad at telling how I feel.

but I like you.

and I’m just too damn nervous to tell you.

I just want a guy that I can be myself with.
someone who will listen to fall out boy and sleeping with sirens with me.
who is in love with God.
someone who will remember the little things about me.
and who likes spontaneous adventures.
someone who actually loves me. and means what they say when they say it.
is dig it if they could play an instrument.
they need to be attractive.
and have gorgeous eyes.
someone who will sit on the front porch with me while it rains.

there’s so many more things. but.. I’m just so picky..

I don’t know what to do anymore.

my emotions wash over me like tidal waves.
all at once.

I just want to leave and be done with this town.
done with all the rumors.
done with all the crappy people.

I don’t even know what to believe from anyone anymore.

I have maybe two people I can trust with everything anymore in this town.

I’m done with lies.
I’m done with all of this.

I feel like crap.
emotionally.
physically.

my self acceptance is complete crap.
I don’t feel pretty.
I don’t feel lovely.
I don’t feel like my personality is good.
I don’t feel like my smile is contagious anymore.

I just hurt so bad right now.
and I don’t even know what to do about it.

I just feel sick. I’m so sad, it’s not even funny.

because maybe right now I’m not the happiest.
and maybe that’s okay.

maybe it’s good that I’m feeling these things.

at least I’m feeling.
although, I’d rather be feeling happy.

freaking a, I miss him.

and this isn’t a post that’s like “oh, I saw him yesterday and I miss him.”

no, it’s “I saw him maybe twice the past six days and barely talked to him at all and I miss him.”

well, I tried not to cry. I really miss my mom.

I’m an exciting little ball of every emotion today.

and here I go. I wrote it.

I wrote on paper.

“I’m in love with you.”

it’s official.
and you will know tomorrow.

can we just take the rest of our lives and spend them together?

we can wake up in the morning and I can make you coffee some mornings or you can make me coffee.
we can go about our weekdays at work. with sweet simple texts, or maybe even a phone call, just to say ‘I love you’.
and then we could possibly have lunch together a few times a week.
but that wouldn’t even be a big deal.
because when we got home we could come home to one another.
we could make dinner together.
and we could talk about our days. the great parts, the absolute shitty parts, and the normal everyday parts.
we could just be in the moment.
and at the end of the day we could fall asleep. with one another.
with a peace and certain happiness of knowing that there is total and complete love.
knowing that I am in love with you.
and you are in love with me.